Falling in love, why we choose the lovers we choose

by Ayala Malach Pines ( (excerpt from the book)



Suggestions Regarding Beauty

Look for a partner who is as physically appealing as you are. Despite the importance of physical attractiveness in the selection of super models and movie stars, when you are selecting a lover, the rule of thumb is not to choose the most attractive person possible. Rather, select the most attractive person among those similar to yourself in attractiveness.

People who follow this general guideline are likely to have more harmonious and satisfying romantic relationships. While beauty can be subjective and skin deep, it still plays an important role as one of the first screens in romantic relationships.
This implies what most people know very well: that you should do everything you can to look your best when meeting someone you are interested in. If you are rejected because of an appearance that could have been enhanced with some effort, your potential mate will never have a chance to discover the wonderful treasures buried deep inside your unkempt appearance.

Suggestions Regarding Character

It ought to be encouraging that you need not have exceptional skills or abilities to find love. Neither should you look for a mate who has unusual skills or abilities. The emotional state that should guide the search for love is a feeling of pleasure, joy, and comfort. According to this criterion, despite its obvious subjectivity, people who are warm, sensitive, and considerate, who, preferably, have a good sense of humor—and who also like us—are the best candidates.

Suggestions Regarding Finding Love

Use the power of self-fulfilling prophecies. Treat your potential partners as if they were exactly what you want them to be—sexy, exciting, attractive. Your behavior will help bring out those traits in them. Work toward improving your self-confidence and toward actualizing yourself. Make a conscious effort to make yourself as attractive as possible by improving the attractive parts of your appearance and personality. Clearly, these suggestions require an enormous effort, can take a very long time, and may require professional help. Yet, as Ovid, the first century poet, wrote in The Art of Love,

“To be loved, be lovable.” ….

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